Regina's New Life
by gshrchs
Summary: When Regina comes back to the Enchanted Forest she is ripped into pieces over her lost of Henry and Emma. The entire story is written from Regina's personal point of view. The story is pretty depressing. Be aware. -I was trying my best with the grammar, but English is not my first language so i'm sorry if you'll come across any grammar errors.-*Swan Queen perspective included* 3x11
1. Chapter 1 - Goodbye

Regina watched while the yellow Bug drove away from her, crossing the timeline and continue driving away from her, till the purple smoke covered her sight and she couldn't see anything anymore. Not the road, not the red sprayed timeline, not the trees, and not the yellow Bug car. She could only see that purple, dense smoke all around her. She couldn't see a damn thing beside that annoying smoke, not even Snow that was standing right behind her.

Then, the smoke started to fade away, and everyone, including Regina, was standing in the middle of a forest. Regina could feel the loneliness hitting her in the guts. She could feel her loved ones being so far far away from her. She felt empty. She felt useless. She felt like noting.  
"Regina…?" Snow said with a slight hesitation. "Are you ok? I promise it will all be fine. You did the right thing and I promise you things will get better. You can come live with us if you want, as long as you want. We will be happy again someday, you will be happy!"  
Regina just stared in the air, not able to move a single muscle.  
"Regina… come on, let's go home" said Snow, carefully pulling Regina's wrist.  
Regina turned to face Snow all the sudden. Snow pulled back in an instinct from looking at Regina's indignant face. "Don't you ever. Touch me. Again." strain Regina between her chattered teeth. There was a slight "poof" and Regina was gone in a cloud of purple smoke.  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Regina reappeared in her chamber in her old palace. It was empty, quite, and not so inventing. She asked herself what she was thinking when she designed that place, how could she love that black, cold, threatening place. She set on her big red bed, staring at the empty space around her.  
Days passed by. She slept a lot, nights without any dreams, only the feeling of a black long pit chasing her when she awake and when she's asleep. She barely moved, only using her magic for creating apples to eat every time she felt too hungry.  
Almost two weeks went by, when she suddenly heard a knock on the main gate.  
Regina opened the door only to find Snow standing there, with a small smile and a basket full of food.


	2. Chapter 2 - Mirror Mirror On The Wall

**Thank you for sowing support on the first chapter! **  
**I honestly thought no one's gonna like it so it's really means a lot! Hope you'll keep enjoying the series! Review's will always be welcomed. :)**

**Chapter 2 - Mirror Mirror On The Wall**

When Regina laid her eyes on Snow she almost couldn't control her facial expression. Part of it was because she was all alone in the castle, so she didn't need her cold mask to protect her from no one. Other part of it was because she was just happy to see Snow White, because she knew Snow White brings comfort to where ever she goes. And Regina needed that comfort, even if she didn't want to believe she does.

Snow looked in Regina's eyes with that small smile on her face, and when Regina made an eye contact with her, she took one step closer to her.  
"What are you doing here?" Regina asked in silence. She looked down on the ground, half ashamed and half worried that Snow White will be able to spot her weakness.  
"I thought it might be a good idea to bring you some food. I was quite worried when I didn't hear anything from you for such a long time. Are you ok?" Snow smiled gently.  
"I'm _Fine_" Regina answered, with her normal annoyed tone.  
"Glad to hear so. Hear, Take the basket. What did you eat all that time all alone?"  
"I can take care of myself pretty fine thank you" Regina answered in coldness.  
She turned back and start walking back into her castle, leaving Snow with her hand stretched forward, still holding the basket.  
"Please WAIT!" cried Snow. Regina stopped in her place, still facing backwards Snow. Snow saw this act as a positive answer for her to continue: "I know things have been hard for you, but PLEASE, let me help you. If you don't want to talk we don't have to talk, we don't have to say anything, but please take this basket. I thought it's wrong to let you live here all by yourself. I will come here every week and I'll bring you a basket with food. That's all. Will you accept my offer? Please?" Snow stayed silent while Regina considered the offer. Regina turned around slowly, and faced Snow's brown green eyes once more.  
"Yes. Thank you." She said. She sounded restrained and introverted, and yet Snow White could clearly spot she was grateful.  
"I'm very glad to hear it Regina! I'm sure Henry and Emma were really ha-.."  
Purple smoke covered Snow's sight.

Regina appeared in front of her mirror in her old chamber. She was breathing heavily, and shaking without control. She looked at herself in the mirror. There were tears in her eyes, threatening to fall down any second.  
She took a few deep breaths, closed her eyes and with a slight "poof" she went back to the spot where Snow was still standing in confusion.

"I won't say they're names again" said Snow in the second Regina appeared in front of her. "I'm sorry", she added with a worried facial expression.  
"Thank you" Regina murmured while looking down, avoiding Snow's worried eyes.  
There was a moment of heavy silence before Snow said in an intentionally too happy tone "here, take the basket". She handed Regina the basket with a small grin, and took a few steps back. "See you next week!" she added before turning back and walking away.  
Regina stared at her till she was gone between the trees, then she walked away slowly into her dark castle.

She remained completely silent while walking in her empty, cold castle. Only her footsteps were heard, pumping with every step she took. Her body was shaking a little bit, and her heart was aching in an unremarkable pain while she walk silenced into her chamber.  
She entered her chamber, putted the basket on the table near her mirror. She noticed a beautiful red apple lying on the top of all the food in the basket. She took the apple, looked at it in her hand and then smashed in on the mirror. The mirror shattered, pieces of glass flew all over the place, scratching and hurting Regina's pale skin.  
Regina screamed powerless while the pain in her chest became outstanding. She slowly fell on her knees, hurting herself even more while she landed on the pieces of the broken glass, weeping, while drops of red blood slowly leaking from her damaged skin.


	3. Chapter 3 - Appraising the Damage

***This episode is written from Regina's personal point of view. There might be some things that I disagree with, but I believe this is how Regina see things, and therefore I decided to add it. My own personal point of view on other characters etc might be completely different from what appears in the story. ***

**The words that are written****_ diagonally _****presents Regina's thoughts.  
Hope you'll enjoy reading this episode.**

**Chapter 3 - ****Appraising the Damage**

Regina looked at herself in her bathroom mirror, trying to appraise the damage she caused herself while acting so recklessly. _What is wrong with you? Are you becoming a stupid little child again? _She looked at her own pale image in the mirror, deeply disgust from the foolishness of her previous actions. _What were you thinking? Breaking down… crying like this… _Regina took a deep breath, slowly passing her finger or her damaged skin. She could feel the ups in her skin every time she passed by some slit. _It's going to get scarred if I won't heal it, _she thought, but she could not motivate herself enough to act the spell she knew so well.  
_Ugh. I should probably clean up the mess I left in my room, _Regina thought while stepping quietly back into her cursed chamber. She didn't remember it looked so terrible.  
The shed was full of scratches, pieces of broken glass laid on it in a complete mess. Then, on the floor beside the shed there was more pieces of broken glass, some of those pieces were completely dipped in blood. In the middle of the mess Regina spotted a small blood puddle. _What a terrible mess! I need to clean this up immediately. _Regina moved her hand in front of her face, thinking about the words of the spell. Nothing happened. Regina sighed in anger before walking out of the room, and then coming back to it, holding a trash can, a bucket full with water and an old mop. She slowly started cleaning her own chamber, with very angry facial expression.

Couple of days went by. The slits started to close and heal, and Regina could walk without feeling the ache in every possible step she took. She decided to take off into the woods near her castle so she will be able to practice some magic.

_"_Come on you stupid candle! Light yourself!" Regina hissed into the white, innocent – looking candle in front of her, which just couldn't possibly do what she desired. "Why are you so obstinate?!" Regina couldn't possibly handle this ridiculous situation anymore. She needed someone who will have an answer for why she's so rusty in doing magic and how can she come back on track. _I'm off to see Rumpelstil-  
No._  
Regina rushed her mind to think of another thing, but when the thing she automatically thought about was Henry's face she panicked a little. She let out a little scared scream while stumbling back and landing on her backside in surprise, while the candle in front of her started burning in wild uncontrolled fire that suddenly appeared. "Damn it!" she cried in frustration while snapping her hand forward, disappearing the burning candle all at once. She felt so ridiculously stupid and so angry with herself for being so over emotional and weak, she just didn't know herself anymore. _Where is your self-control? _She scolded herself. _No wonder Snow was so kind toward you, you became no more than a useless shellfish. She probably felt pity for you for being so weak and all by yourself… "Lonely"… While she have her charming prince and her stupid Red "dog" and her annoying dwarfs and the entire kingdom to comfort her for losing her precious daughter and grandson, while you sitting here all by yourself, and can't even turn on correctly one stupid candle!  
_Regina felt so angry, but while trying to put the blame on Snow she quickly learned it was not Snow White she should be blaming, but herself. And then it hit her.  
She doesn't hate Snow White. Not anymore.  
Snow was good to her, she cared for her and she tried to understand her while she did the most terrible things. Yes, Snow White caused Daniel's death, and for that she cannot be forgiven, but so many things have changed since then.

Regina could still remember that night in the stables, while her own mother ripped the heart of her one true love, but not like last times she thought about the most terrible night in her entire life, she could not blame Snow White for telling her mother. Snow White was just a girl, a terrible, demon little girl perhaps, but she has grown up to be so much more that the monster she was as a little child.  
Snow showed mercy toward Regina times and times again, although Regina was left with no one to believe she can do well. Obviously, she can't. Her heart is too dark, she is too scarred and damaged, and she cannot ever be complete again. She can't get her happy ending because she'll never try to be good and to find her true love. She gave up on herself somewhere two years ago, when she understood her own son did not truly believed in her. And why should he? She's a monster. She's a villain. She always tried to stop the happy endings and to make everyone as miserable and broken as herself. This is the only way she knew. She couldn't even remember the feeling of being free;

Regina walked back to her castle slowly. Her feet felt heavy as she dragged them on the road between the trees. She came close to the main gate when she saw a figure, standing in front of her gates and knocking impatiently on the big metal door. The white cloak she wore looked so natural with her long, black hair. The bow and arrow that were tied to her back looked like they were hand-made, and the brown basket in her hand looked quite heavy.  
"It has been a week already?" Regina asked. She couldn't help the smile that was glowing shyly on her face while Snow White turned around in surprise while saying "apparently yes. Pretty surprising, isn't it?"  
"Very surprising indeed" Regina answered with her normally cold tone as the smile went down from her face as quickly as it came.  
"Re-Regina? What happened to your skin?!" Snow suddenly cried in surprise. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Do you need me to get you some healing plants? I know how to make an excellent massaged that will heal your ski-" Regina quickly silenced her with a familiar cold "No thank you, that won't be necessary."  
"Fine. If you'll need something please feel free to ask" Snow quickly responded while handing Regina the basket.  
Regina took the basket in silence, and walked slowly toward her gate.  
Before the door closed Regina turned back slowly and said quietly "Thank you, Snow" And then the door closed after her.


End file.
